Kids can be a handful at times. Let’s face it, it isn’t always easy keeping everyone happy! They are always asking for things and it can get hard sometimes. Giving my kids choices gave me a ton of success and I was honestly so surprised how easy it was to implement! In this post I am going to talk to you about why I decided to start giving my kids choices. This simple task has helped our family so much and I wanted to show you so maybe you can try something similar at your house!
The Difference Between Giving Choices and Giving Control
There is a common misconception that giving kids choices is the same thing as giving them control. In fact, they are completely different! When we give them choices we are allowing them to decide within parameters you have set. When we give them control we are really just letting them do whatever they want.
Think of it this way. Giving them a choice would be, for dinner you can have carrots or peppers, which would you like? Giving them control would be, what do you want to eat for dinner? The difference is drastic really. When you give them control their answer could very well be, ice cream! I mean, what kid wouldn’t choose ice cream for dinner. Giving them the choice gives them the power they so very much want but you are still really in control of the outcome.
We want kids to feel like they have some kind of choice over their life. It helps them to be more willing to try new things and also teaches them how to actually make choices for themselves. Think about it in your own life. Do you like having some choices about your actions or would you rather someone just tell you every single thing you have to do? I definitely want a say and so do my kids.
When I started really thinking about it that way, it made it all a lot more clear. This shouldn’t be a power struggle with my kids. Now, obviously you are the parent and giving them options all the time is not going to be possible. Sometimes you have to be the authority and that is it. I just try to give my kids choices when I can!
Made Them More Willing
Once we started giving them choices when we could we realized they weren’t pushing back on some things as much as they previously were. One big area I can think of is eating vegetables. I hear from so many parents that their kids refuse to eat the vegetables they make. And I see kids sitting with a plateful of veggies that they have to eat before they can have a snack. Now, I’m not telling you to just let them do whatever they want but maybe they genuinely don’t like that vegetable. My kids know when I make a meal it has to include a vegetable. They can choose to eat the vegetable I made or they can have raw peppers or carrots. It’s their choice.
Why am I going to fight with them to eat the zucchini? At the end of the day I want them to eat a vegetable. If they want to eat the peppers instead, well perfect. They are happy because they like peppers and I am happy because they ate the vegetables. We both win and there is no struggle. Now I do have a rule in our house that they would have to try the zucchini and then decide but that’s for another post.
They are just more willing to do my overall requests if I give them some input on how it gets done.
Helped Me Connect With Them
Better connections with my kids isn’t really something you would expect to show up on a post like this. But in reality giving them choices helped me build a better relationship with my kids. We argue a lot less, notice I didn’t say at all, this isn’t magic haha.
I really believe this connection came down to them realizing that I respect their tastes and opinions. As I said before it isn’t always something that I can do. Sometimes I have to make the decision because I’m the parent and that’s how it goes, but me trying to give them a choice whenever I could became really beneficial!
It really helped alleviate a bunch of struggles. I don’t argue with my kids about eating because for the most part they have a big say in what they get to eat. Giving them choices also helps when they are having a hard moment or having a meltdown about something. I can say, I understand you are upset because we can’t go to the park today but when we can get home I can spend some time reading with you or we can color together after dinner. Which would you like to do? Now they don’t get to go to the park but they can choose a fun activity to do later on. Also make sure you are ok with the two choices you give.
See this works because you are giving them control but you are also in charge of the choices. You should only be giving them choices that will work for you!
It’s Not Always Easy
Now I know this all sounds great but it isn’t always going to be easy. There are plenty of times they don’t want my choices and they want something else. My answer then is, I hear you and understand that, but that is not a choice.
Remember I said this is a great strategy to help but it isn’t magic. You may still have to work through some struggles using this strategy, especially in the beginning. It will be worth it though! The most you are able to offer them choices the more they get used to the idea of having some kind of control. It does get easier.
Having a house full of people with all different personalities is hard. You aren’t all always going to agree on things. I wanted my kids to feel like they had some kind of control and giving them choices was a great way to help them.
And just a tip for all you friends in a relationship out there, this strategy works really well on spouses too!
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